The Next Martha Stewart

Many of you know I am a fan of Martha Stewart.  When I have time, I try to watch her show or visit her website & marvel at her never-ending perfection.  Because I, too, have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, I understand how gratifying it would be to live in a house where every project undertaken has ample workspace, every drawer is beautifully labeled, and every tool has a matching handle.  But, alas, I don't live with Martha.  I live here in the real world, where not only are my tools un-coordinative, but usually found left under the kids' craft table, or some other non-labeled location.  

But Martha & I are alike in so many other ways.  Take her assistants, for example.  Everyone knows that she would be nowhere without them.  Well, I have assistants, too.  Mine just happen to be around 3 1/2 ft. & 2 ft. tall.  

It was so unfortunate that there was no video camera on this morning to tape me packing up a box to ship.  I had my shortest assistant helping me, and while Martha could do a great segment on what it would be like to pack a box at her house, I could have done one for the rest of the world.  I'll try to describe how it went.  

First, I went to the computer to print out the label.  My helpful assistant was at my knee the entire time. When it was printed, I cut out the label neatly with the recently-found scissors & placed the label on the desk while I finished packing the box.  Once the box was packed, I turned to retrieve the label, but my assistant had beat me to it, label in hand, now nicely crumpled and slobbered-upon.  No matter--in the real world, little obstacles will come.  So, I flattened it back out & dried it off the best I could.  Next, I went to get the packing tape & returned to find my little assistant sitting in the box. So, I carefully removed her & began closing the flaps neatly just as she snagged the tape & took off running with it.  This is where I demonstrated remaining calm in moments of mounting frustration.  There would have been some great footage here of me chasing her thru the house & finally getting the tape only to find she had caused the roll to come off the dispenser & the tape closed onto itself.  Here is where I would have had to cut to commercial break while I spent several minutes trying to find the start of the tape again.  

So, after that, I knelt down, using my knees to hold the box together while I taped it closed, all the while with my assistant trying to climb on my back.  Finally, I finished the box, which showed no evidence of the fiasco that had just transpired.  It really would have been a great segment.  So sorry you missed it.  

As I said, I am big fan of Martha.  But I could teach her a thing or two.

My two shortest assistants hard at work.

"I know my imported spices are in here somewhere!"